If PHP Were British (2011)

The first, but maybe the most important, of many changes that will allow PHP to achieve a more elegant feel is to remove that symbol so beloved by the US and replace it with something altogether more refined. How many of today's British programmers have been put off at the outset by the brazen informality of this simple yet obscenely Americanised program, colloquially referred to as "Hello World"? A more Imperial, formal introduction might encourage a greater proportion of young British talent to remain with the language and thus give the broader community a more urbane air. Few things are more abhorrent to the British than unnecessary abbreviations. "Text speak" is unheard of on the streets of London, as the natural ingrained British grammarian simply refuses to stoop to sending messages of the "c u soon traffic kthxbye" variety, instead proferring something altogether more elegant: "Dear Sir/Madam. I will arrive as soon as time allows, which I expect to be within the hour. I assure you the horses shall not be spared. Yours respectfully." Perhaps nothing is as important and ingrained in the British psyche as the notion of class and, while there are few opportunities for change within this part of PHP, the changes that there are to be made here are important. No longer will it be the poor American cousin - instead it can take its rightful place as the - British - King of the scripting languages. Many thanks to Mark and Pat, former colleagues, who helped start this resurrection of the British Empire in the pub on Friday.